Listen, Can You Hear Our Story?
by DesiringMagic
Summary: Collection of one-shots about Twelve/Clara inspired by songs because I can't control my feelings for these two anymore. Genres will vary. Rating may change. I hope you enjoy :D
1. My Fault by Imagine Dragons

**Author's Note: So I've been having lots of emotions for Twelve/Clara (are we seriously going with 'Whouffaldi'? I like it but sometimes it seems like a weird threesome with the Doctor/Clara/Peter) and they've intensified with the recent DW set pictures. So I've finally decided to write down all those little stories concocted in my head whenever I listen to my iPod. These one-shots will usually be less than 1000 words (not including the lyrics) and e****ach one-shot may have different characterizations of Twelve and Clara (he/she might be grumpy in one and romantic in another; they may be best friends in one and romantically involved in another etc). Basically they are in no way**** connected with each other unless explicitly said so (but that probably won't happen). The song title/artist will be the chapter titles since it makes it easier for me to see which songs I've already used. Also, I probably won't be posting the complete lyrics to the songs, just the bits that inspired the story the most. And, of course I recommend you listen to the songs cuz they're beautiful! So enough rambling and I'll let you get on with it. I hope you like them!**

* * *

_I took a walk on a Saturday night,  
Fog in the air,  
Just to make my mind seem clear  
Where do I go from here?_  
_I see my breath pushing steam through the air,_  
_Shaking hands run through my hair,_  
_My fears, where do I go from here?_

_Is it my fault, is it my fault?_  
_We've been missing each other,_  
_We've been missing each other._  
_My fault, is it my fault?_  
_We've been missing each other,_  
_We've been missing each other._

* * *

_"Bye, Doctor. See you next Wednesday."_

It still pained him the way she threw those words behind her shoulder as if she couldn't care less, letting the Tardis door close on its own behind her and leaving him to stare absently where she had disappeared. He still hoped that she would turn around and give him that beautiful smile, their gazes connecting through the diminishing crack as the door closed between them. Just like she used to do.

It's been this way for a while now. Eight months exactly. Ever since he regenerated…

He took special care to arrive every Wednesday; so far he hadn't missed a single one. The planets they visited were more extravagant that ever. He showed her ice palaces, oceans with glistening purple water that you could walk on, and hoped that with their next adventure she would become closer to him. But that never happened.

Everything was the exact opposite from what it used to be.

Before, she would stay with him no matter what he was doing, and talk with him for hours. Or just keep him company while he tinkered with the Tardis. He never felt lonely.

Now, she spent most of her time in her room, or in the kitchen, or in the library. Any place where he wasn't. And he felt lonelier than ever.

Before, his hand would slip into hers and she would tighten her hold and intertwine their fingers, sending little waves of electricity through him.

Now, he would seek out her hand and she would let him take it. But she wouldn't grip it back. Eventually she would draw it out of his reach to point at something, to scratch her face, to run her fingers through her hair. Any little excuse. There was always an excuse.

He supposed he should just be grateful that she still came along with him. But he couldn't help but miss the old things between them. Especially now as he sat on the cliff's edge, the wind fluttering through his hair and shirt while he absently stared at the green mountains and reminisced.

That cliff had become his sanctuary from the very beginning. No more extra escapades when she was gone. He would drop her off and come to his cliff and wait until the next Wednesday. Sure, he could just pop to the next Wednesday but it felt like cheating. He was determined to hold out these static times to share the spry ones with her. Besides, sometimes he needed the time as much as she wanted it. The only current problem was that with all these recollections, now wasn't one of those times.

The wind picked up its speed and he decided to head back into the Tardis. Checking the time, he realized only 3 days had passed on Earth.

_Still not time to pick her up._ He thought, annoyed. But he wanted to see her. He needed to see her.

After a few seconds of an internal battle, he decided to go for her. It's not like he was breaking some sort of promise, right? He absentmindedly set in the coordinates and held on while the Tardis began to shake for the departure. After the landing, he took to ruffling his clothes a little to make it seem like he had spent time working on his ship than sitting on the edge of a cliff like a hopeless romantic. She would never let him live it down.

Shaking off his coat, he took his time in folding his sleeves up, knowing that she wouldn't show up for a couple of more minutes (her immediate, excited burst through the doors upon his arrival had diminished as well), when suddenly he heard the doors slam open. Jumping in surprise, he turned to see Clara standing in the threshold.

What was more surprising was seeing her attire: pajama bottoms, a short sleeve shirt, and slippers. Her hair was tied in a messy bun and had flecks of… snow? _Why is it snowing in August?_

Her movements brought him back from his thoughts and he watched in shock even as she ran up to him.

"You jerk!" She cried with a wavering voice. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was!? I thought you left me again! Or that you died! You idiot!" Punctuating each exclamation with a punch, he flinched and tried to step back but was stopped when she enveloped him in a hard embrace, burying her face in his chest. He stood perfectly still until she slackened her grip and looked up. Tears rolled down her cheeks and he resisted the temptation of wiping them away to look out the still open doors instead.

It was definitely snowing.

"How long have I been gone?" He asked nervously. Her short breaths stopped and were replaced with a weak laugh. Finally letting go of him, she wiped her tears and gave him a small smile.

"Four months. It's December now. Almost Christmas." She shrugged.

"Right." He noticed her staring and fidgeted uncomfortably. Letting out a stronger laugh, she flung her arms around him again.

"I… I missed you." His hearts stopped at those words, realizing that their meaning transcended those four months that he had been gone. At last he allowed himself to hug her back, sinking his face into her hair and letting her warmth and scent overtake him.

"I missed you too."

After what seemed like an eternity, they separated. Handing her his coat, they headed toward her home hand in hand.

And this time, she didn't let go.


	2. Wings by Birdy

_I'm in a foreign state  
My thoughts they slip away_  
_My words are leaving me_  
_They caught an aeroplane_  
_Because I thought of you_  
_Just from the thought of you_

_Oh lights go down_  
_In the moment we're lost and found_  
_I just wanna be by your side_  
_If these wings could fly_  
_Oh damn these walls_  
_In the moment we're ten feet tall_  
_And how you told me after it all_  
_We'd remember tonight_  
_For the rest of our lives_

* * *

He peered up at the darkening sky and watched as storm clouds hovered towards them.

"We better leave now before the weather gets worse. We don't want to get caught in the storm, particularly not with the Tardis so far away. Clara, are you listening?" Turning away from the shop's window, he saw her at the counter, purchasing another piece of chocolate cake. He groaned.

"Clara, why are you getting another piece of cake? You just ate two." How could this woman eat so much?

"Well maybe I want another one. Besides, it's not just for me. I saw you staring at this piece. You want some." She gave him a sly smile as she waved the plate in front of his face. Eyeing her, he tried to stop himself from smiling. The piece did look good.

"Fine, but we'll eat as we head back to the Tardis. C'mon, put on your coat, it's windy outside." He held out her coat; but instead of doing as he said, she sat herself down at their previous table next to the window and patted the space across from her. He didn't budge so she pouted in response.

"Please? It's still slightly sunny outside; we've got plenty of time. So stop worrying about getting that silver little head of yours wet and come get some cake before I eat it all - because it's really good." She added while putting another forkful in her mouth. Finally giving in, he hung her coat back over the free chair, adding his as well, and sat down. She handed him the fork and smiled upon seeing his satisfaction.

They continued to eat little by little and silence settled. Soon the sunlight disappeared and the Doctor watched as the clouds' reflection glided across Clara's face while she stared out the window and into the little ancient town. The clouds folded on themselves and delved into every rare crease of her young face, and he watched in awe, amazed that something so simple could make her seem so at peace, so beautiful.

Suddenly, thunder roared and rain began to pour heavily onto the town, falling almost like a waterfall. Looking on in slight bewilderment, Clara looked to the Doctor, who was staring at her in a mixture of anger and annoyance, and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Put on your coat. We're leaving." He said dryly, standing up to put his coat on.

"_Now_?"

"Yes, _now_."

"Can't we just wait it out?" She complained.

"No. A storm this strong will take hours to stop. Let's go." He replied in the voice she had grown to know very well. It was the voice he used when he was beyond negotiation. She always felt like a little kid that was being chastised whenever he used it with her.

"Alright, _dad_." Throwing away the plate and fork, she put on her coat and followed him out the shop. The rain poured on her, causing her hair to quickly become soaking wet. She was about to run after the Doctor, who was already a few feet away, when a closer look at the falling water made her stop in her tracks.

"Yellow? Yellow rain?" She watched, captivated, as the vibrant, yet transparent, yellow drops of rain crashed onto the skin of her hands and ran along her slender fingers. Giggling, she ran further out into the street and started twirling, completely forgetting about the Doctor. _I'm dancing in yellow rain!_

The Doctor continued to walk, pulling up the collar of the coat to further protect himself. He hated getting wet like this.

"Hurry up, Clara. The Tardis is still pretty far off. Clara?" He turned hard when he didn't hear her footsteps behind him. Anger and worry were rapidly replaced with admiration when his eyes settled on her form running and spinning in the distance.

He couldn't stop his breath from catching in his throat as he watched the rain elate her. Her hair, skirt and coat flew around her as she twirled only to cling like skin once she stopped. She looked absolutely stunning.

"Doctor!" She called out, running to catch up to him. "Why didn't you tell me it rained yellow rain? It's absolutely beautiful!"

"Yellow?... Oh! Well, on this planet, there's a harmless chemical in the air that binds with certain emotional receptors in our minds when you're exposed to it after a while and creates a telepathic-like field around you. So when it rains, the atmospheric disturbance allows that same chemical to react with the water and allows you to see the rain in the corresponding color of your current emotion. Technically the water is just as clear as on Earth."

Clara grinned, looking at the rain around her, and he took this moment to truly admire her soaked figure. His hearts fluttered and he stared, mesmerized at the sight of the bright pink drops falling down her face, curving around her cheeks to fall from her chin. Her hair stuck to her face and he wanted nothing more than to touch it and run his hands through the wet, brown locks.

"What color do you see?" There was a smirk on her face and he knew that she knew that he had been staring.

"Um, red. It's entirely red." He said, a little too quickly.

She laughed. "You're still angry with me?"

"Yes." He lied. "Now c'mon before you get a cold."

"Race you back!" She ran off before he could protest. The Doctor couldn't stop himself from smiling and running after her only to slow down once he'd caught up. Shrugging off his coat, he held it over her to protect her as they continued to run down the street, both grinning.

But if he truly had had it his way, he would have watched her dance all night long.

**Author's Note:**** Sorry if that whole chemical-rain thing didn't make sense. Basically you see the color that represents the emotion that you feel.**

**Clara saw yellow, which means joy, intellect, freshness.**

**The Doctor saw (red at first, which is anger) pink, which means love (hehehe)**


	3. On and On and On by Wilco

**Author's Note: First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Seriously you guys. Thank you for following, favoriting, reviewing. I never expected so many so fast. I almost cried. So thank you all very much.**

**This one is pretty angsty. I almost cried while writing it. I REALLY recommend hearing the song (On and On and On by Wilco) while reading cuz its such a beautiful song that goes great with the show in general imo and really sets the mood for this piece. Also, I cut out some lyric stanzas (can you call them that?) between each stanza (?) so they don't appear in this sequence in the song. Just so you guys don't get confused like my sister did.**

* * *

_Please don't cry  
We're designed to die  
Don't deny_  
_What's inside_

_One day we'll disappear_  
_Together in a dream_  
_However short or long_  
_Our lives are going to be_

_Please don't cry_  
_This world of words and meanings_  
_Makes you feel outside_  
_Something that you feel already_  
_Deep inside_  
_You've denied_  
_Go ahead and cry_

_On and on and on_  
_We'll stay together, yeah_  
_On and on and on_  
_On and on and on_

_You and I_  
_We'll stay together, yeah_  
_You and I will try_  
_To make it better, yeah_

* * *

"I'm tired." Her voice was raspy, barely above a whisper, and he had to concentrate hard to hear what she was saying.

"I know."

"Can I sleep now?"

"No."

"But I'm so tired." She mumbled into the pillow. Closing her eyes for a moment, she sighed contently at the immense relief washing over her, sleep only seconds away. The Doctor shook her lightly until her eyes were open again.

"Just one more night, Clara." He tightened his hold on her body, bringing her closer if that was even possible at this point. "Please. Stay awake with me one more night."

"I don't think I'll make it."

"Don't you dare say that. You're going to make it. Just stay awake." He demanded.

She laughed sickly. "You've been repeating that ever since the incident. You and I haven't slept in three days."

"I'm not sleeping because I have to look after you. And you know you can't fall asleep yet. I still haven't found a cure. You know what'll happen if you fall asleep before finding that cure." She nodded weakly.

"If I fall asleep my body will weaken its resistance and the poison will enter my brain and I will die." He flinched at her mechanical tone as she repeated what he had told her a few days ago.

"It's okay, Doctor. I'm not scared. Everybody dies-"

"_Shut up_."

"and I'm no exception to that rule."

"Clara, please-"

"I'm going to die."

"But _not now_. Do you hear me? _Not now_." She smiled but he could see that it was draining her to do so. It was too much work, too much energy that she didn't have anymore. Looking up at him, Clara slowly lifted a shaking hand from under the blanket and cupped his cheek lovingly.

Despite feeling fine without sleeping for months, the incident had taken a huge toll on him, emotionally and physically, to the point where even her thumb moving softly against his unshaved skin was enough to lull him to sleep. Realizing this, he covered her hand with his to stop her, bringing it down to place a gentle kiss on her palm.

Without letting go, he placed her hand firmly against his chest. The feeling of his heartbeats flooded her weakened body with peace.

"Why did you have to save me?" He asked, voice shaking with pain and fury.

"Because I didn't want to see you in so much pain. Because I wanted to be your hero. Because I was born to save you. Because if I hadn't, you would be the one dying right now."

"I would have regenerated." He spat.

"No, you wouldn't have. It would be killing you just as its killing me."

He let out a shaky breath and finally let himself look at her after all this time. His throat constricted; she looked so fragile. Her eyes were bleary and she was pale, so very pale. He knew she wasn't going to last long and he hated himself for failing to save her yet again.

"Please, Doctor. Let me rest. Everything is going to be okay." Her eyes were starting to close and her breathing was slowing down; he could barely feel it against his neck.

Cursing under his breath, he placed a rough kiss into her hair, her forehead, her cheek, and then a slow, lingering one on her lips. Their first kiss; one that felt so right. One that she needed just as much as he did.

"Fine. You can go to sleep. But only for a little while, okay?" His voice broke and he swallowed hard. He felt like he was suffocating, drowning. His whole body trembled in silent agony

"And you have to promise me that you'll wake up. Please, Clara. My Clara. My beautiful Impossible Soufflé Girl. Please promise me that you'll wake up." His breathing was coming in short and hard takes, tears flowing freely down his face and onto her hand and hair.

"I promise." She kissed the hand that was clutching hers harder than ever and buried herself further into him, closing her eyes.

She broke that promise. But he never held it against her.


	4. Teenage Dream (cover) by Boyce Avenue

**Author's**** Note: Remember when I said that these would be less than 1000 words? Yeah, you can throw that out the window. I was trying to limit myself as a writing exercise thing but it's not working. This one is only about 140 words over but still. Not that any of you are affected by that or anything :P Anyways, I'm not really happy with this one. It just kinda fell flat to me. You guys might like it or you might not (if you don't, I wouldn't mind hearing some constructive criticism-not just on this one but the others as well). And thank you for the support!**

* * *

_I think you're pretty without any makeup on_  
_I think you're funny when you tell the punch line wrong_  
_I knew you got me when you let your walls come down_  
_Down_

_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream_  
_The way you turn me on, I can't sleep_  
_Let's run away and don't ever look back_  
_Don't ever look back_

_My heart stops when you look at me_  
_Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real_  
_So take a chance and don't ever look back_  
_Don't ever look back_

* * *

He knocked on her door twice and waited, slightly worried that she wouldn't answer since it wasn't Wednesday. Recently he had been visiting her more often than usual, telling her that he had gotten the timing wrong when putting in the coordinates. Of course, it was a lie. He just liked spending time her.

"Doctor? You're a little early, you know. It's only Monday."

"I know." He said, leaning against the doorframe. "But I figured, since I was already here, that I might as well come and see if you were up for trip today. So what do you say?" He smirked, knowing that she would accept no matter what.

"Actually, I can't." Or maybe not.

"Why not?" He asked, a little offended that she was dismissing his offer. What could be so important that she would reject the chance to travel with him?

"I'm going out with a friend, who kind of called at the last moment, and I have to get ready."

"A friend? Since when do you have friends besides me?" She scowled and he knew that he made a mistake to say that and decided to quickly change the subject.

"That won't be a problem. Let me remind you that I have a time machine and could easily drop you off after our escapade and in time for your little outing. Now lets go." Extending his hand for her to take, he quickly dropped it when she shook her head.

"I can't, Doctor. I can't really trust you to drop me off in time since you seem to be getting it wrong lately." She teased and he could feel his face flush.

"But I'll tell you what, you can help me decide what to where!" She pulled him in, closing the door, and led him toward her room.

"Why do I have to do this?" She could tell he was annoyed, but that just made this more fun. After sitting him down on her bed, she went to her closet and began picking potential outfits.

"Because I want a man's opinion, and you're a man… sort of. Are you considered a 'man' in your society or is there somethi-"

"Yes, I'm a man." He replied with an exasperated tone. But the topic made him realize something.

"Your friend…"

"Yeah?" She called from the bathroom.

"Is he male?" He could hear her laugh.

"Yeah, he is." _So it's a date_. He gulped and seized the bed sheets in a hard grip, feeling the sudden anger run through him along with… jealousy? What? Why would he feel jealous? It's not like he had any deeper feelings for Clara… right?

"Okay, how about this one?" Clara came out of the bathroom and stood in front of him. She was wearing a charcoal colored dress, that stopped an inch or two above her knees, and her hair pulled into a messy bun. She gave a small twirl and he caught sight of her moderately exposed back. Shaking his head a little, his eyes trailed down and stopped at her legs, her bare, smooth, shapely - _stop_. He cleared his throat and quickly detached his gaze away from her legs, knowing that he had been staring longer than he should have.

"Well?"

"Absolutely not. It's too… too…" He gesticulated at her and then irritably crossed his arms when he couldn't think of anything to critique. She frowned and turned to the full length mirror hanging on the bathroom door.

"I guess you're right. The color's too depressing anyways. Let me try another one." After she locked herself in the bathroom one more, he let out a long, impatient sigh, running his hands down his face. Why did he say no to that dress? She looked beautiful in it! Too beautiful. Maybe that was the thing. _I am not jealous_.

Clara came out again and he gave her a quick once over. This time her hair was down and she was wearing a white sleeveless, buttoned up shirt with a bright red tiered skirt. _That skirt is way too short._

"No." He said immediately.

"Really? I thought it was kind of cute." She looked down at herself.

"If you showed up wearing that short thing on your _date_, he might get the wrong idea."

"It's not a date." She replied. Strangely, he felt immense relief upon hearing this.

"It's not?"

"No. Well, I don't know. I wouldn't mind if it was." She smiled warmly. This only served to infuriate the Doctor even more.

"That's it. Pick whatever you want. I'm leaving." He headed to the door but Clara stopped him.

"Wait! Just one more. Please?" She pouted and rushed back into her bathroom after he reluctantly settled back onto the bed. She was taking longer this time around and he was beginning to get bored.

"Your friend, what's he like?" He had no idea why he was asking this. He just knew he had a burning desire to know.

"He's not like anyone I've ever met. He can be distant, infuriating, angry, but he can also be very sweet, funny, a little over protective but that's okay. And his eyes… I can see everything in his eyes. All the pain he's lived through but also all of the joy and wisdom of thousands of years. He makes me feel safe, no matter where we are. And I know I can always rely on him to make everything better."

The Doctor took slow, calming breaths through his nose, trying to compose himself. _I am not jealous_. It wasn't helping much but he continued to repeated the statement in his head until Clara came out. What he saw made all anger and frustration disappear.

Her hair was delicately arranged back into a bun, but this time a bit of fringe swooped down a side of her forehead. She wore an elegant, deep purple dress with a heart necklace, dark red lipstick and black heels. She gave him a smile and spread her arms out.

"What do you think?" He couldn't get a word out and just continued to stare at her.

"You look amazing." He finally breathed out. She smirked and left the room with him trailing behind.

"So when is this guy coming to pick you up?"

"He's already here."

"What?" Had he missed the knock or something?

She walked up to him and whispered. "You're the guy."

He blinked rapidly, confusion clouded his thoughts. "Wait, so that friend that called at the last moment-"

"Is you."

"So you are coming with me?" She nodded.

"But, then what was the whole point of doing this?" He asked as she pulled him towards the door.

"Let's just say, after all those times you've 'accidentally' visited me earlier than you were supposed to, I wanted to prove my suspicions correct. Which they were."

"What suspicions?"

She only laughed in response.


	5. Say Something by A Great Big World

**Author's Note: hehehehe I bet you guys thought I stopped doing these (or maybe you didn't notice at all, I don't know). It's just that Uni started again last Monday and I hadn't had time to write until today. So, yeah, I'm still writting these, but I just won't be posting as often as before. I hope you like this one.**

* * *

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'll be the one, if you want me to  
Anywhere, I would've followed you_  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_And I am feeling so small_  
_It was over my head_  
_I know nothing at all_

_And I will stumble and fall_  
_I'm still learning to love_  
_Just starting to crawl_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_  
_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_  
_Anywhere, I would've followed you_  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

* * *

The Daleks fired at her while she continued to run for her life. Of course, she wouldn't be in this situation if she hadn't insisted on helping the Doctor instead of staying safely on the Tardis like he had wanted. Well, not 'insisted,' more like yelled and pushed stubbornly until he was fuming and had no other choice but to let her come along. And now here she was, adrenaline pumping through her veins, arms and legs bruised and aching, and looking for the man she was risking her life to help. But despite all of the danger and the risk of dying, she couldn't help but smile to herself.

"Clara!" She stopped in her tracks and turned around to see a battered Doctor running toward her. Her smile of relief at seeing him quickly vanished when she saw the Daleks trailing behind him.

"Don't just stand there! Run! Take a right. Hurry!" Doing as she was told, she resumed running in the direction he told her to. Soon the Tardis came into view, her doors opening. Clara ran inside and soon the Doctor appeared as well, slamming the doors behind him and rushing to the console.

"What do we do now? The Daleks are everywhere!" She yelled while the Daleks began firing onto the Tardis. The Tardis shook, causing the Doctor to swear under his breath.

"I have a plan. But I need to do something else first." The Tardis began shaking as it took off and soon landed. Walking to her purposefully, the Doctor grabbed her hand and roughly pulled her out of the Tardis and into…

Her flat. They were in the living room. Confused at what the Doctor could possibly need to do at her flat, she stared at his pacing form until realization dawned on her.

"No. No! You are _not_ leaving me again!" She turned and made to enter the Tardis when the doors suddenly slammed in her face. Anger boiled inside her as she yanked on the handle, pushing and pulling violently.

"Clara, stop." She turned to him but his back was to her, his hands and fingers twitching erratically at his sides, a trait he showed whenever he was impatient, or in this case, anxious.

"Open your stupid box. Open it _now_!" He didn't budge and she turned back toward the Tardis to try to open the doors again. Frustration flooded her and she began kicking at the doors until she was yanked away. He awkwardly hugged her to him but she was too angry to hug back and pushed herself away from him.

"Let go of me." She spat, tears swimming in her eyes but never falling. She wasn't about to give him the pleasure of seeing her cry so she angrily rubbed her eyes to stop the tears. But it didn't help much.

"Why." It wasn't really a question, but a demand for an answer, her voice hard and accusing. She watched as he sighed and clenched his hands, fixing her with a piercing gaze that unnerved her for a second but she quickly recovered.

"Because I need to stop the Daleks and you're only going to get in the way." She huffed in annoyance.

"This is ridiculous. I can help. You need me."

"I don't need you." He replied darkly. She shook her head angrily at him, knowing what he was trying to do. But she was determined not to let him win, not again. She'd had enough experience with this version of him to know that he always resorted to insults and tried to push her away whenever faced with situations that were too much for him to handle emotionally. She knew he cared about her, which was why she always kept trying to reach for him, to make him open up to her. Because she cared for him just as much.

"You're so frustrating! Why do you always do this? Why do you never let me get closer to you?"

"It's for your own good." He replied and she could see that it was getting harder for him to stay calm.

"For my own good? Doctor, I want to help you."

"No, no, NO! He bellowed, scaring her a little more than she'd like to admit. "I'm not going to let you. Not this time. The only reason I agreed to let you come along earlier was because I thought I could handle the situation. But I can't! It's gotten too out of hand and-and… I've lost so many people already and I'm not going to lose you. Especially not to a Dalek. Not again. I've already risked your life too many times and I'm not about to do it again just so I can watch you _die_!"

He towered over her now, his face so close she could see the anguish and torment blazing in his eyes. She had never seen him like this, so emotionally out of control, so reckless. And it broke her heart. She reached up to caress his cheek but he moved her hand away and took a step back. That single act hurt her more than his 'insults,' but she didn't step down.

"Please, Doctor. Please don't leave me here. Let me help you." His face softened and for a second she thought that he just might let her. But that thought immediately died. Grabbing her arm, he yanked her toward her bedroom.

"No! Doctor, please!" She dug her feet into the carpet, pulling and clawing at his hand to detach herself. Jerking her body, she managed to unbalance him and he almost let her free but he managed to tighten his grip before she could escape. He took hold of her waist and continued to take her to the bedroom, practically carrying her there as she pushed and twisted herself to no avail all the while yelling.

"Stop this! Doctor! Let go of me!" He pushed her into the room where she fell onto the bed. Struggling to get up, she launched herself toward the door but didn't make it before he closed it. Twisting the doorknob, she tried to open the door but knew that he was holding it shut.

"Doctor, open the door! Don't do this! Let me go with you, please! Don't leave me again!" She kept banging the door with her fists when she suddenly heard a whirring sound. The sonic. She stopped thrashing, knowing that there was no point in continuing to try since the sonic would hold the door shut for at least a couple of minutes. Enough time for him to leave.

Everything was quiet for a while, her trembling body weakly propped against the door. It wasn't until her sobs lowered that she heard his choked breathing coming from the other side. He hadn't left yet.

"Doctor," Her voice was feeble and her throat was starting to ache, but she knew he could still hear her. "At least promise me something… _swear_ to me that you're going to come back. _Safe_. Please, Doctor. Just tell me that. Tell me you aren't going to be incredibly _stupid_ and leave me here forever." She waited but there was no answer. She took a breath to make another attempt when she heard his shaky sigh.

"I'm sorry." It was hoarse and barely above a whisper but she could hear it like a shout in her ears and it sent her into shock. The Tardis' sound rang out like a bomb exploding inside her, and she couldn't hold herself up any longer, knees giving out at last. She felt numb, empty, weak, like she didn't matter at all; but that wasn't true. It was the exact opposite. He was doing this _precisely_ because she mattered so much; and for a moment she wished he hadn't cared for her as much as she cared for him. Because that gnawing feeling inside her was right:

He never did come back.


	6. Au Revoir by OneRepublic

**Author's Note:**** I think the song is more about a couple breaking up but staying on good terms. But for this one-shot I wanted to think of it as the couple starting over after getting over a rough patch. I don't know but I hope you like it.**

* * *

_Today I'm not myself_  
_And you, you're someone else_  
_And all these rules don't fit_  
_And all that starts can quit_

_What a peculiar state, we're in_  
_What a peculiar state, we're in_

_Let's play a game_  
_Where all of the lives we lead_  
_Could change_  
_Let's play a game_  
_Where nothing that we can see_  
_The same_

_But we'll find other pieces to the puzzles_  
_Slippin' out under the locks_  
_I could show you how many moves to checkmate right now_  
_We could take apart this life we're building_  
_And pack it up inside a box_  
_All that really matters is we're doing it right now_  
_Right now_

* * *

"I guess I'm silver now." He said, staring at his reflection in the monitor and tugging at the short curls on top of his head. "I suppose it's for the best. Imagine this face with ging-" He turned and paused, realizing that Clara wasn't there with him.

She'd been away for a while. Not away from the Tardis, but away from him.

_"I just need some time to think."_

He didn't refuse her that time, knowing that she needed the space, especially after everything that she'd been through. But he couldn't take that image of her out of his mind. The way she could barely look at him, and when she did her gaze was empty, distant, and with a hint of rejection and anger.

It wasn't her fault but he couldn't help but be a little angry and exasperated at her. After all, everything he had done was to protect her and he wasn't going to apologize for that, for caring. But the least he could do was make sure she was okay, right? The Tardis hummed her approval.

"Alright, I'll go see what I can do. Where is her room anyways?" The lights in the hall behind him began to shine brighter, signaling him to enter. He followed the trail until he came to a dead end. There was only one door.

"Are you sure? This isn't her room. Her room had her name on it." Lights flickered around him.

"I can remember things now and I know for a fact that that is not her room." The lights flickered faster, almost in vexation.

"Okay, okay. I'm going."

Opening the door, he peered inside almost hesitantly and then came in all at once, closing the door behind him. He realized quickly that he was in the astronomy room, a dark room that projected the stars onto the ceiling, almost like there was no roof and you could see the entire universe as the Tardis floated. He looked around for Clara and was about to leave when he noticed some movement among the star's reflections on the floor.

She was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and chin resting onto of them. He walked silently to her.

"What are you doing here?" She jumped at the sound of his voice and quickly stood up, wiping her face.

"I was…" She cleared her throat. "I was walking around and the Tardis led me here." He nodded and watched as she swayed from one leg to another. The tension between them increased to uncomfortable levels and he knew that she wanted to leave. But what was stopping her he didn't know. Maybe she was hoping for him to leave. But if he left now, when would they ever settle things?

"Mind if I join you?" She stayed silent before sitting down again. He bent down to sit beside her, falling on his backside a little harder than he had anticipated and groaned in pain.

"Still not used to this body." Normally she would have laughed but this time she didn't. She just stayed quiet and stared at the stars on the ceiling. The reflections curved around her face and body and the Doctor found himself mesmerized by the image of the universe being mapped out on her. It was almost like the universe was being personified as her. It was becoming her.

"I'm sorry but could you stop staring at me." She snapped irritably and he felt a little angry at the tone she was using.

"Why?"

"Because it makes me feel uncomfortable." She made to stand up but he grabbed onto her arm to keep her from moving.

"You never had a problem with my staring before."

"That was before you-" She stopped and turned away from him.

"Before I what? Before I changed?" He asked, frustrated. She didn't reply, instead covering her mouth with her free hand to keep a sob from escaping. He sighed. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He loosened his hold on her but didn't fully let go for fear that she would leave.

"Listen, I know you're angry at me and hate me but-"

"I don't hate you." She cut in. "I'm just… I'm so confused." His brow furrowed.

"Confused? About what?" She ran her hand through her hair, closing her eyes tightly and shaking her head slightly.

"I'm so _angry_. I'm angry at _him_ for leaving me after telling me that he wouldn't and I'm angry at _you_ for leaving me after telling me you wouldn't. But then I think that I shouldn't be angry with you because you didn't do it, _he_ did it but then I remember that you're him and I _can_ and _should_ be angry with you. And I miss him but I feel like I shouldn't because you're here. And I'm angry because I feel like he left me again but he didn't because you're right _here_. You're right in front of me but you're not _him_ but at the same time you are! And I'm so confused and angry at _myself_ for feeling this way and-"

She burst into tears, hugging her knees again and hiding behind her hair. She shook violently at the force of her tears and the Doctor didn't know what to do. He had never expected her to explode like that, with so much passion, so much pain. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He took her in his arms and onto his lap, practically crushing her against him tightly so that she couldn't escape if she tried. But she didn't try. She buried herself deeper into his chest, fisting his shirt, and sobbed. He rocked them back and forth, rubbing a hand up and down her back in an attempt to calm her down. The Doctor didn't know how long they stayed that way, but he knew it had to be a considerable amount of time since his legs were falling asleep and he was developing an ache in his lover back. But he didn't let go of her. Eventually she stopped crying, only taking in short breaths. Lifting her face, he brushed away remaining tears and stray hairs.

"Better?" His voice was deliberately low, soothing in the fear that she might start crying again if his voice was anything above a whisper. She nodded and placed her head back against his chest without letting go of his shirt.

"I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you but I'd like for us-I don't know, maybe we could start over. But… I understand if you don't want to stay with me any more." Her head shot up, narrowly missing his chin, and shook vehemently.

"No. I want to stay." She wiped her eyes and returned her gaze to his. "I wouldn't mind starting over."

He smile and she smiled back. It wasn't her usual dimpled grin but for now, it was enough.


	7. Silhouettes, Oblivion

**Author's Note: Two songs for this one since my ipod played them consecutively and it was destiny that they fit so well together :D First one's by Of Monsters and Men, second by M83 (feat. Susanne Sundfør). Sorry for any mistakes.**

* * *

_It's hard letting go,  
I'm finally at peace, but it feels wrong,_  
_Slow I'm getting up,_  
_My hands and feet are weaker than before._  
_And you are folded on the bed_  
_Where I rest my head,_  
_There's nothing I can see,_  
_Darkness becomes me._

_There's nothing that I'd take back,_  
_But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret._  
_'Cause when I sing, you shout,_  
_I breathe out loud,_  
_You bleed, we crawl like animals,_  
_But when it's over, I'm still awake_

_A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest,_  
_No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me_

* * *

_Breathe in the light  
I'll stay here in the shadows  
Waiting for a sign, as the tide grows_  
_Higher, and higher, and higher_

_And when the nights are long_  
_All the stars recall your goodbye, your goodbye_

_And even now you'll hear me calling_  
_You'll hear me calling_  
_And in your dreams you'll see us falling, falling_  
_And even now you'll hear me calling_  
_You'll hear me calling_  
_And in your dreams you'll see us falling, falling_

* * *

It's always so sudden.

_"It's him."_

_"Then what is the point of you?"_

_"The Warrior."_

And it all comes crashing down on him. All at once.

_"This is me, getting out."_

_"Please! Don't make me go back!"_

All of the disappointment. All of the guilt.

_ "The Drums."_

_"So many goodbyes."_

The pain. The anguish.

_"It hurts."_

_ "Raggedy Man, goodbye."_

The frustration. The defeat.

_"The Beast."_

_"With all that power, you might as well be a god."_

_"The Oncoming Storm."_

The rage. The panic. The misery.

_"I can help. Let me help!"_

_ "How lonely you must be."_

_"You are the Destroyer of Worlds!"_

The self-hatred. The self-disgust.

_"Doctor!"_

He wakes with a start, breathing heavy and covered in a layer of sweat. It takes him a while to realize he's in bed, staring up at the dark room. Relaxing a little, he sighs at the feeling of his muscles unclenching, and after regaining some control, he heads to the bathroom, slashing cold water on his face to wake himself up and try to put some distance between him and his thoughts. But as he stares at his reflection, his eyes following the drops of water fall from a silver curl and run down his creased face, he finds that it isn't helping. He's not surprised. This had stopped helping a long time ago.

Those dreams had always been with him. Well, not all of them. Some were older than others and some were brand new, adding to the weight in his mind as he continued to live. He doesn't mind, he knows the dreams were inevitable, especially with everything he's been through. But sometimes the weight becomes a little too heavy.

His fingers brush against the cold wall of the Tardis as he starts to walk down the corridor, letting himself be guided; by what he doesn't know. Maybe the Tardis, or maybe his subconscious. He just knows that it helps. Helps with what? He doesn't know that either, it just does. It had become some kind of routine every time he had the dreams. Every single one of his bodies had done it; he would walk around the halls, aimless walking to pass the time and allow the thoughts to subside. There was never a destination. At least that was how it was before she had jumped into his timestream.

The corridor in front of him suddenly changes. Those dreams composed of memories appear like flashes before his eyes, changing so rapidly he can barely keep up. They're the same ones as always only they feel different because this time he knows she's there. Clara. She had always been there but now he's more aware of it than ever. Before she was just a blurry face he passed by, someone he would get a glimpse of but never had the time to truly acknowledge. Or maybe a random casualty, a poor girl he had failed to save, another body amongst a sea of corpses.

But ever since she took that jump, he saw her everywhere. Truly saw her. Suddenly, that faceless girl becomes very real. And she's here and there. He can see her in the corner of his eye: running, crying, fighting, dying. She's screaming and the sound pierces his very being, making him cringe and shiver. He can see her battered and bloodied body struggling to stay alive, crawling and dragging herself towards him.

Dread rushes through him like lightening and he yells and screams in his head, commanding himself to turn and catch her, save her. But he never does, that's the worst part. And it pains him to know that he'd never bothered to help her then. That's why her room is always the destination now; and when he finally comes out of his daze, heart races, hands trembling a bit, he finds himself standing in her doorway, clutching onto the door handle and eyes set on her sleeping form. Another sigh escapes his now dry lips. _Safe_.

Closing his eyes, he allows relief to wash over him completely only to be interrupted by a soft creaking.

Opening his eyes, he sees her stir and open one eye lazily to look at him.

"Again?"

He nods and she gives him a small smile, causing him to remember the first time he had entered her room after having the dreams. When in the previous body, he had never allowed himself the liberty to enter her room. He was far too embarrassed and didn't want to bother her with his problems, so he had only peeked inside and then scurried away. No, the first time he had entered was in this body. He could still recall her bewildered expression at seeing him sitting on her bed, clutching her arms and crushing her to him to make sure she was still real. Now it's second nature to them and she barely even takes any notice.

Pulling back the blankets, she shifts a bit closer to the wall to give him more room. He slides in next to her, lying on his back and arm stretched out to invite her in like always. Clara gladly takes the invitation and settles into the crook of his arm, draping the blankets up to his stomach and leaving her arm there as well.

Everything's quiet for a while.

"You should get a new mattress. This one's a little lum-" She cuts him off by pressing a finger to his lips. When she thinks that he has the message, she removes her finger and drops her hand back over his chest. He moves slightly to try to get more comfortable and takes to looking around her room.

"I don't really like the design on the wallpaper. You sho-" This time she unceremoniously drops her whole hand over his mouth and groans in irritation.

"Doctor, sleep. Now." Smiling at her slurs, he takes a hold of her hand and presses a kiss to her palm before intertwining their fingers. She emits a hum of approval and shifts closer against him.

He can't fall back to sleep, but at least he's able to find some peace.


	8. You Could be Happy by Snow Patrol

**Author's Note:**** This one's a sequel to the 'Say Something' one-shot (ch 5). It's really short since I wrote it 30 minutes before class and didn't bother to edit/proofread because I wanted to upload something since I hadn't done so in a long time. Sorry if there's any mistakes or if it sucks in general.**

* * *

_You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go_

_And all the things that I wished I had not said_  
_Are played in loops till it's madness in my head_

_You could be happy, I hope you are_  
_You made me happier than I'd been by far_

_Somehow everything I own smells of you_  
_And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

_More than anything I want to see you, girl_  
_Take a glorious bite out of the whole world_

* * *

He had won. Of course he'd won. He always does. Those Daleks could never stand a chance against _The Doctor_. He'd saved the day again. It was just another victory for him to add under his belt. So… why didn't it feel like one?

He entered the Tardis with a heavy heart, closing the doors behind him, the soft thud echoed loudly into the room. The console lit up, illuminating the surrounding walls with soft shades of green and blue that usually had him grinning with excitement. But not this time. He looked around, brushing his fingers over the various buttons and waited.

Silence. That was it; _that_ was the problem.

His throat constricted at the thought as he suddenly remembered the reason for his distress despite having won against his biggest enemy: he had sent her away. His beautiful Clara.

The Doctor closed his eyes at the memory of her, letting it consume him, before banishing it. He would not dwell in those memories. It simply wouldn't do to add more regrets to the already overflowing pile, and he wasn't about to regret making a decision that ultimately saved her life.

But as days passed, the silence became too loud and he found himself using her ghost as an escape. She was the only thing he could think about and the memories were so powerful it was almost like she had never left. He would talk and talk and the sound of her laugh bounced against the walls of the Tardis and rang in his ears. He could smell her perfume while walking through the corridors and felt her walking along side him, arm tucked in his and her head resting against his shoulder. Sometimes he swore he could feel her hands running over him, settling in his hair, on his chest, over his hearts; and he felt her lips ghosting over his neck, his cheek, to come lingering on his own, making him shiver.

This was when he knew for sure that it was all in his imagination; and the memories he'd tried so hard to repress came tumbling down, their last moments replaying in his head over and over again: her shouts of anger, her tears, her pleas, the way she threw herself at the door with abandon to get to him. _Damn it_, that was not how their last moments together should have been! He should have told her that she meant _everything_ to him, tell her that she's the most amazing thing that he's ever known. He should have held her tightly in his arms and try to make her understand that he was leaving to protect her, because if she ever died he would lose all purpose in life. He should have kissed her for the first time with a promise of his return. And he would have returned, of course he would have; if things had gone as they should have.

Instead here he was, ashamed over all those last minute mistakes, suffocating in all of the memories of what used to be and fantasies of what could have been. He couldn't go back to her. What would he say? There was nothing to say that could justify what he had done to her. And even if by some miracle she forgave him, was it really right for him to whisk her away and risk her once more? Absolutely not. But he would have made the mistake of doing it anyways and eventually lose her like he loses everyone else.

So as he looked on at the small home, Clara laughing and walking out hand in hand with another man, he maintained his position that he had done the right thing. It was for the better. She was making a life for herself and he was content that he hadn't ruined her like he'd ruined everyone else before. Surely this was his true victory, right?

No. _He_ hadn't won at all.


End file.
